i wish

the maritime authority would order all gravy boats back to dry dock for the foreseeable future, never to sail (on to dinner tables) again.

you're kidding

some spaz on ebay just sold an original coca-cola super russell yo-yo for a measly $35. coo.

i've been holding on to one of these for 30 years (since the yo-yo craze of 1981). it was supposed to be my pension fund.

as loyal penfold would say, "crumbs, dangermouse".

has anyone ever

admitted themselves to casualty for excessive ab wheeling?

inspector rex

read him his rights.

if a person

were to feed a dog a diet of hamburgers, cola, and fried bits of reconstituted chicken chunks (mostly necks and beaks), either one of two things would likely happen. the animal would soon die. or the rspca would bring an action for cruelty.

why, then, do presumably sentient people choose to eat mcdonalds or kfc?  barmy.

doing time

another downbeat breakfast encounter

with modern agriculture's latest weapon: the juiceless grapefruit.

admire mark allen's enthusiasm

but oneasia tour stinks. like watching the north caulfield thirds in the footer. what's the point?

hormone-enhanced chicken strikes again

just saw 10 y.o. indian with moustache and a teacosy on his head.

brooklyn dodgers in financial troub

is this the moment baseball fans have been waiting 50 years for? repatriation to new york.

the middleton marriage

could see upsurge of new sport of social climbing. with poss. incorporation in london olympics. pick up those fallen h's.

#sausagefest

termagants & trulls peeved at omission from first xi for miles franklin lit. prize. looks like adam's rib has gone septic.

whither horse/harness racing?

the perquisite of sad, impecunious old men & assorted desperates.

bless 'em

wot enjoy "jane eyre" for what it is—a romance; not for what it isn't—a dreary political manifesto.

brighton rock

is a lurid, penny dreadful version of catholic theology.

media street

loud harrumphing over bowlderized ita buttrose biopic. meh. who wants to see a kneeling ita tootling on kerry's trumpet?

in news

greens leader bob brown's tasmanian cottage for sale. think the less said about brown's cottaging activities the better.

essendon fc

western suburbs bogans who mistakenly think they've bluffed their way into the middle class.

dash it

just spilled some of my sunny boy on new crystal cylinders windcheater.

the lesson of "happy days"

when nerds try to assume attitude of cool, results are abysmal. watch & learn milhouse maher, tim gossage jr.