another downbeat breakfast encounter

with modern agriculture's latest weapon: the juiceless grapefruit.

admire mark allen's enthusiasm

but oneasia tour stinks. like watching the north caulfield thirds in the footer. what's the point?

hormone-enhanced chicken strikes again

just saw 10 y.o. indian with moustache and a teacosy on his head.

brooklyn dodgers in financial troub

is this the moment baseball fans have been waiting 50 years for? repatriation to new york.

the middleton marriage

could see upsurge of new sport of social climbing. with poss. incorporation in london olympics. pick up those fallen h's.

#sausagefest

termagants & trulls peeved at omission from first xi for miles franklin lit. prize. looks like adam's rib has gone septic.

whither horse/harness racing?

the perquisite of sad, impecunious old men & assorted desperates.

bless 'em

wot enjoy "jane eyre" for what it is—a romance; not for what it isn't—a dreary political manifesto.

brighton rock

is a lurid, penny dreadful version of catholic theology.

media street

loud harrumphing over bowlderized ita buttrose biopic. meh. who wants to see a kneeling ita tootling on kerry's trumpet?

in news

greens leader bob brown's tasmanian cottage for sale. think the less said about brown's cottaging activities the better.

essendon fc

western suburbs bogans who mistakenly think they've bluffed their way into the middle class.

dash it

just spilled some of my sunny boy on new crystal cylinders windcheater.

the lesson of "happy days"

when nerds try to assume attitude of cool, results are abysmal. watch & learn milhouse maher, tim gossage jr.

spare a thought for the far east

our dimbulb p.m. flies off to rasp the ears of asian leaders with her sylvania waters manner of utterance.

uncrowned king of frankston,

dermott, is pleased to consider himself melbourne's own triple h. but he's only one-and-a-half h. two h tops.

question for science

does cycling make women chunky (as widely reputed), or are the women in q. chunky in the first place? hmm.

as i said to the demographer

you can't throw me out of the middle class. i subscribe to the "new yorker".

nevermind the ladder

footer teams should be divided into vertebrates (sydney, geelong) and invertebrates (freo, port, richmond &c.).

if chrissy whosis

wins chintzy gold logie, will she be the ultimate "biggest loser" winner?

brisbane getting over cyclone yowee

but adelaide still struggling with self-sealing envelopes.

wish dennis cometti

would refer to steele sidebottom as "iron cheeks".

our dopey prime minister

forced to dodge some dirty cottagers before giving monologue at sydney institute.

can't imagine

a more un-english thing than "action for happiness"

can the sydney slits

go all the way in the netball this year?

is mark allen

the ted mcginley of 1116 sen?

nato attack on libya

all well & good, but shouldn't they deal with the enemy in oldham and luton first?

the english contempt for food

can be summed up in two words: brown sauce.

in adelaide

they're raving about the commodore 64 computer which was introduced to them last week, to general astonishment and wonder.

people come in all shapes & sizes

but mostly, it seems, fat.

evening on endor

roasting ewoks over an open fire.

in the future

the world will be controlled by julius the monkey.

woody allen's 2 superb questions

why are we here? and why is it so terrible?