i wish

the maritime authority would order all gravy boats back to dry dock for the foreseeable future, never to sail (on to dinner tables) again.

mcfood

in an ill-considered attempt to defibrillate flagging sales, mcdonalds in oz has released a "mcafrica" burger. hmm. now africa has certain things in abundance: corruption, famine, war, disease, poverty, ignorance and aids. but food? not so much. now if it were a true mcafrica burger, reflecting the diet of the continent, it would be comprised mostly of africans.

caveat emptor

tried jalna fat-free natural yoghourt. double yuck. reminds me of something fielding mellish (woody allen in the movie "sleeper") said: "this stuff tastes terrible. i could have made a fortune selling it in my health food shop in greenwich village".

the 7 culinary atrocities

1. rice pudding
2. spotted dick
3. toad in the hole
4. jellied eels
5. haggis
6. irish stew
7. bread and butter pudding

i would never eat spotted dick

or any dessert named after a venereal disease.

"warning! danger!"

as the robot on "lost in space" would say. alcoholic drinks are like venomous sea creatures (this scorpion fish here). the most alluring, brightly coloured ones—breezers and such—are often the most dangerous. very toxic. don't touch 'em.