stations of the cross country run: finale

12km mark. 6:06 a.m. stately burns manor. home of charles montgomery burns. ordinarily the view would be obscured by hundreds of pine trees. but in a fit of 'elf-n-safety madness they recently felled the lot—terrified a pinecone might conk someone on the head. crazy. and rather hard cheese for the nesting birds. but there it is. modern times, what?

stations of the cross country run: episode 11

11km mark. 5:59 a.m. the gatehouse of the local business school, where they hand out mba's like lollipops (after trousering $25,000). they need a gatehouse to prevent the unauthorised entry of fresh ideas. the masters in business administration is, without question, the biggest bullplop in the higher education racket.

stations of the cross country run: episode 10

10km mark. 5:54 a.m. bathing boxes. they're the size of a bedroom and cost half the price of a house. fancy one?

stations of the cross country run: episode 9

9km mark. 5:48 a.m. as bertie wooster said (quoting the psalmist) "joy cometh in the morning". especially when the bay is tranquil and perfect for swimming. the pole on the horizon is where i swim to. it marks the end of the reef, when the seafloor suddenly drops away. after that you're amongst the boat traffic, seadoo pests, the occasional shark, and who knows what else?

stations of the cross country run: episode 8

8km mark. 5:44 a.m. my favourite thing: pristine beach with no footprints in it. there's something nice about being the first to squash one's feet into the sand. but to do that you have be like hardy's heroine bathsheba everdene: "i shall be up before you are awake; i shall be afield before you are up; and i shall have breakfasted before you are afield. in short, i shall astonish you all” (from "far from the madding crowd"). also running is much easier on untrodden sand.

stations of the cross country run: episode 7

7km mark. 5:39 a.m. toto, i don't think we're in bournemouth any more. where are all the empty breezer bottles, lost scrunchies, and forgotten-to-put-back-on girls' knickers you expect to find on any well-patronised beach?

stations of the cross country run: episode 6

6km mark. 5:34 a.m. it's a bit like betty's bondi, though without the surf, the traffic, the tourists, the nightlife, the pollution, the queers, the crowds, and the well-done english backpackers glowing crimson on the beach.

stations of the cross country run: episode 5

5km mark. 5:28 a.m. joy of steps.

stations of the cross country run: episode 4

4km mark. 5:24 a.m. i know it's not skegness, or worthing, or grimsby, or even morecambe. but, dash it, it will just have to do.

stations of the cross country run: episode 3

3km mark. 5:20 a.m. (episode 2 was cancelled: too dark to see anything). the playing fields of a posh girls' school. can't see anyone bonking behind the changing-room sheds, nor any st. trinian's-style hijinks either. no one larking about in the latest "agent provocateur" ensemble. pity.

stations of the cross (country run): a serial

haven't been running for a while so i thought i'd take my camera with me this morning and take a snap at each of the kilometre stages. one pix a day is the arrangement.

right-ho. kilometre 1. 5:11 in the morning. can't see nowt. had to switch camera to "iso" to enhance the light. even the penguin hasn't got up yet to turn on the fridge light. can hear some kookaburras laughing in the distance. what's the joke? who laughs at this time of the morning?